March proved difficult for me. I found myself staring into that dark pit within me. My husband watched the anger swell. My close friends kept a watchful eye over me. Fear mixed with a whole lot of anger makes a combustible concoction. This concoction had been mixed a few years ago and it crept back into my heart.
Back then, I prayed out of hurt and confusion. I didn’t know how to trust God at that point in my life. I mean I knew He was with me and all but the flesh self-trusting part of me was still in control. God eased the hurt and cleared the confusion. And little by little I put my trust in HIM. I began to seek His path for me. Don’t misunderstand.. I don’t do it perfectly. I still have trouble with taking over God’s plan and letting Him have the day off. That’s the flesh getting in the way..
This time, God diffused the anger. He allowed certain things to happen to let me feel the anger I have had bottled up for such a long time. And boy did it get ugly… remember I threw raisins a few days ago! It was like God needed me to react so He could heal. And my prayers were much different than the first go around. Three days ago, I read what I had wrote recently in my prayer journal. Years ago, I was angry at God for letting things happen. Those words were on those freshly scribbled pages. I knew this because I kept using the word, “Again.” I was humbled because I didn’t realize that I was not only angry about the situations but at God.
A friend suggested “Quiet Submission.” And so, I asked God for a release of the anger and I told Him that I was going to be quiet and allow Him to do His work in me, on me and around me. Quiet submission without me butting in and doing things the way I would do them. Quiet submission, with me sitting still and listening. Quiet submission, without me talking myself into something or out of something. Quiet submission to accept His ministry for me. Quiet submission has been the hardest thing for me to do…
#1 I am a talker
#2 I like control
#3 Let’s face it, God can be slow I like things done in a hurry.
My list can be quite lengthy and I think you get the picture.
God has worked on my anger. God has opened doors. God has a purpose. God is in control. Quietly I await more submission opportunities. Jesus just said, “Follow me.” He didn’t say “YOU do all the work today.” “Get YOUrself distracted with all the busyness.” “Do all the good deeds YOU want.”
I think Jesus should have added in tiny print for all of us who can’t read between the lines…
“Follow Me and leave YOU behind.”
Have a blessed day!! God bless….