Flipped

I remember my days as a teacher.  Right about now with July nearing, I would have grown antsy.  I probably would have been spending my nights worrying over the next year’s syllabus.  I would have been visiting my classroom, clearing out clutter, and planning.

Ugh…. my stomach is queasy just thinking about it.

Once the school supplies hit the shelves at the local schools, I would be getting excited.  There is something about the school supply aisle.  It is intoxicating for teachers.  I admit I still linger there even now.  I would have been getting new pens, new notebooks, new highlighters, and yes even new magnets.  Teachers are in love with magnetized white boards.  We love to decorate with magnets!!

Silly, I know…..

Then the first day of school arrives……my last year as a burned out Middle School teacher…… UGH!!  That first day was a killer!!  I walked out of the classroom at 3:30 on the dot and screamed, “Is it June yet??”  My save-the-world attitude during my first years of teaching crumbled.  If you can imagine me right now with my fisted hands in the air, you would see the frustration I still feel today.

Oh and let’s not get me started on the whole special education paperwork, IEP’s, and standardized testing.  Those three are poison in my eyes.

God help me (and you) I have unleashed the soapbox beast!

All that anger.  All that frustration.  All that yuck! Even after 5 years, I still can feel it.  I’m scarred!

I left the teaching profession scarred for life.  And the funny thing….. it wasn’t the students.

I had to flip my life around.  And I did.

I didn’t realize how the profession had yucked up my home life, my character, and my passion.  It has taken 5 years to unravel all that yuck.  I still shudder at the thought of teaching again.  My stomach turns sour the minute I’m asked to long term substitute teach.  (I politely say no, and run like crazy out the door!)

But here’s the whole deal….. I look back now and realize something powerful.  I walked alone.  Here’s where all my teacher friends are snapping their fingers and exclaiming, “Oh no, you didn’t just say that, girlfriend!”  I was in a sinking ship along with several wonderful ladies.  I didn’t trust God enough to rely on Him.

I recently have found myself sinking in a sea of trying to get everything done.  Planning a women’s retreat, a women’s ministry, a book club online and with a group of ladies, an outreach program and writing a proposal has my head spinning.  Yesterday, I sat down and wrote out a two page to do list.  My eyes blurred and my stomach knotted.  I wanted to run.  I threw my hands up and….. here’s the difference….. I prayed.  I told God I was just one person running on this hamster’s wheel.  I needed His divine power and help to get through this list.

Back in the day, I would have swallowed and plowed myself into it.  I would have grown angrier by the minute.  Last night, I steadily marked off one item at a time.  Oh, it is still a mile long and since this morning, I’ve added a few more things but the knot in the stomach and the anxiety isn’t with me.  God is.

Hope you have a stressless day!  God bless…..

 

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