Oh, what a day yesterday turned out to be!! It was an emotionally exhausting day!
Wednesday mornings, I attend Bible study at my church. When I got home yesterday, I discovered Fred was not in the house. Sometimes, he lets himself out the backdoor and that’s exactly what he did….. but, the back gate was wide open and Fred was missing!
My heart sank. He can not see nor hear very well. He’s old and not in the best of health. Like any mother, panic set in. I called out his name. He never came. I searched the back yard first. I thought maybe he fell into one of the
holes craters the big dogs dug. If they are deep enough to fit my kids standing up, then they would be a trap for a blind old dog. Empty.
Fear swiftly filled my heart. Tears flowed as I called for him over and over. No Fred. No where to be seen. I felt sick to my stomach.
You’re a bad mother.
Strong words filtered my thoughts. How could I have not looked for him before I left? How could I not known he was out?
You don’t deserve pets.
You are irresponsible and stupid.
I jumped in the jeep and drove around the neighborhood. I called out his name as I drove. No sign of him.
A sick feeling churned in the pit of my stomach.
You know he is dead.
He’s gone forever, just like Gracie.
In my mind, I reenacted the day our border collie, Gracie, turned up missing. I called her name as I drove around. We never found her. Three days later, we received a call from a neighbor. Gracie had been hit by a car. Tragic loss…. I never shall forget.
My prayers to God flowed along with my tears. Fred means the world to me. I promised him I would never let any thing bad happen to him again.
You broke your promise.
You are horrible.
I went home grabbed a leash and called for Ginger. She and I were going to look on foot. We walked for what seemed like hours. We hiked in the wooded areas near our home. I thought if Fred can get stuck in my twiggy pathetic rose bush, he could be stuck somewhere in the thicket. We walked. I called. I cried. I just wanted my Freddie back.
Just give up, he’s gone.
I wouldn’t give up. I never have with Fred. He and I have a special bond. I sat with him for days at the humane society clipping the yuck off of him. I could barely stand his odor but his sad grateful eyes kept me clipping. He was a hopeless case back then and I saw life in those eyes underneath all the filth. I gave him a home, lots of love, attention, and my time. I was not about to give up on him now.
Two and a half hours I searched and scoured our neighborhood. I had put flyers around everywhere. I posted him lost on Facebook and with the humane society. Finally after driving around one more time, I prayed. God, I have done all I can do. I am giving this over to You. Just bring Fred home. You know what he means to me.
Soon after I arrived home, I went to the mailbox to check the mail. Neighbors who go to my church and are taking the same study with me, stopped on their way home. We chatted. They noticed I wasn’t as chipper as I was that morning. I explained about Fred. They left.
I decided to check the back yard one more time. I was out by the back fence when I heard honking. I raced back to the house. There in my drive was my neighbors and there was my Fred!!
She told me that Fred was in her yard. He looked so lost and confused. I had driven and walked by there several times. I hugged her and thanked her. As they pulled out my drive, I scooped my big fluffy Fred up and buried my face into his soft curls. I cried the most grateful cry. Sobbed into his fur. I held him tight. I had never been so happy to see him. I carried him inside and said a prayer full of gratitude.
I could have given up and gave in to those negative thoughts. Sometimes I do and that’s when I find my heart freezing. It is times like these I need hope the most. Hope that only Christ can provide. And when hope enters my heart, it melts and gratitude grows.
I hope you have a wonderful Thursday.