A Bruising

Since January, I’ve struggled.  The battle within my mind keeps me on a roller coaster.  At the beginning of this “Give yourself away” journey, I felt plagued, tired, and virtually unhappy all the way around.  I didn’t know if this whole idea of accountiblity, craving more God, and constant giving would make any difference in my overall physical and emotional health.

Usually, though, by February, I abandon my whole “New Year” change tactics.  But, this year, things are different.  I am changing in ways I never could imagine.  It is like I have stepped out of myself to watch the growth.

One obvious change is my hair.  The spikes are gone.  No, I haven’t shaved my head…. although that is a thought.  Rather though I have let it grow.  I wish I could blame my hairdresser for having surgery and making me do this change….. Even though she is still healing, it was my choice.  She probably doesn’t feel that way especially since I sent her a text saying, “I can not be held responsible for the irrational behavior I may exhibit while holding scissors.”  Let’s face it, I’m not used to having to do anything with my hair.

The whole walking across America has proven that I am a very active woman that doesn’t sit still.  I am constantly on the move.  Time is being spent helping others.  What they don’t realize is that I am getting more from them than they are from me.

I am currently involved in three, yes three, Bible classes.  I’m diving into the Word!  I enjoy learning and growing closer to God while I do.  In fact today, I got the biggest bruising in the most blessed way.  First of all, I learned the definition for “Victory.”  It isn’t just doing one thing right.  Nope.  It is to live right.  Yeah, I can celebrate a small victory but the battle (or war for my mind) isn’t over.  I have to make continual and constant victories in order to overcome.

Before I could shout, “Amen!”  I realized something else…….

If I continue to be unhealthy, I will die prematurely.  That would mean I would be responsible for cutting God’s ministry through me short……

Oh, now that messed with me….. but that is what whispered throughout me.  No one fed me that line except God, Himself.  I sat there and cried.  I don’t want to be that irresponsible.  I don’t want to cut short the blessings God has in store for me just so I can have fatty, sugar coated, unhealthy foods.  Tears fell down my cheeks and I begged for forgiveness.  My heart broke….. shattered.  I felt literally sick to my stomach.

And then, victory…… I didn’t eat.  I praised God for His word whispers.  It wasn’t until later today before I sat down to blog that I realized food didn’t even cross my mind at that moment of impact.

Growth.  Glorious Growth.


Praise the Lord!!


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