Mini Worship Service

I have no idea what I was thinking!!  I started a part time job at our local library.  There is no other place like the library.  This position was made just for me!!  I mean come on……. it’s not like I am there every chance I get anyways!!

But something I didn’t think about was that I had 3 BIG sweet treat orders this week.  A couple of cakes, 9 dozen cupcakes and 10 cake pops on a regular week it would have been a breeze.  And to throw devotionals that I am writing for my church’s Lent Blog Series into the mix, just adds to my load.

I’m not complaining.  I am just saying, that I should have postponed my start date.  But, I was excited!  I just couldn’t wait to get to work!  So, after the first day I found myself completely exhausted.  And, my poor family has had to suffer my “grumpy” attitude.

By the second day, I crawled into bed at 7:30.  I just had no energy what so ever.  I worked; then rushed home to bake, frost, and create.  Oh and some how I find myself waking up at 4 am to do laundry, clean house, and write.

Exhausted!  Yesterday, I woke up somewhat refreshed at 4am…… as refreshed at 4 a person can be……But, by the time, I had baked 4 dozen cupcakes, wrote a couple of devotionals, got the kids up and ready for school, made breakfast, a couple of loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, (thank God Mark did make the lunches), and I got ready for work, I could barely keep my eyes open.

As I was driving to work, I began putting myself through the wringer.  Thoughts of I should have just been satisfied with staying at home and what were you thinking thoughts ran through my head.  Oh there were other thoughts  as well……. guess, I misread God’s lead, I should give up writing, I should stop making cakes all together…… it was brutal!  I found tears streaming down my face.  Something I often do when I am so tired.

And then, I heard “Your Love Never Fails, It Never Gives Up On Me” sweetly coming from my radio.  Instantly, my mind’s exhausting brutality stopped and I was filled with God’s strength.  He isn’t giving up on me.  I am giving up on me.   Then, song after song on AIR 1 played just for me.  I came to a stop light and literally threw my hands up in the air and praised God!  I was singing along with the tunes and I felt so energized!  I wasn’t even aware of the man in the car next to me staring until I looked over and I waved!  I wanted to roll the window down and shout, “God is so good!”  But the light turned green and he sped off…..burned rubber I think the term might be.  Now that I think about it, perhaps my mini worship service must have scared him off.  Anyone who sits near me in church can verify that I can get a little crazy with my joyous singing!  In fact, it just might be called, “scary”.

Needless to say, I fell into prayer when I pulled up to the library.  I thanked God for the burst of energy and filling me up with so much of Him.  I know that I am following God’s guidance.  This is just an extraordinary week.  I am sure that the dust will settle and I will find the perfect routine to my day.

And well, I am up at 4 again this morning but I am still hearing “Your Love Never Fails” in my head.  Such a wonderful tune!  I feel inspired and completely fulfilled.  See, what I am trying to get at is simply this…….I CAN’T do anything alone.  God will help me along the way.  I will find REST in Him.  I will find EMPOWERMENT from Him.  I will be able to GET THROUGH the day because of Him.  Ain’t He good????

Sweet 16

My heart drove off this morning………

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lESkqC5Bh-o

Be safe, my sweetheart…… Happy Birthday!

 

Injured

Sitting at the kitchen table, my Bible spread wide open and my pencil jotting notes.  My mind filling with God’s word and wisdom.  With the front door open the sunshine beamed through the glass door warming just a corner of the carpet just inside the door.

My spaniel, Ginger and my spoiled cat, Matthew….. well, that is his given name but he mainly understands his nickname, “Toot”….. fight over the patch of warmth.  I watch with a cat’s curiosity while Toot gave up the battle to Ginger.  I chuckle as he trots down the hall.  I know exactly where he will be….. on the foot of my bed curled up on his green blanket.

My focus goes back to Abram.  Thoughts of wonder and glory swim in my head.  The idea of leaving everyone and everything behind to follow God’s command doesn’t surprise me but leaves me to wonder if Abram struggled with it.  I continue to read.  My cat, Priscilla (aka Prissy or the “Mean One”) curls up next to my book as if she is reading my notes.  All the while she is fighting the sleep that is overcoming her tiny eyes.

Wham!

I jump.  Prissy leaps from the table.  Ginger flies up and barks.  From the table, I see nothing.  So, I continue my reading.  Then Ginger barks and growls.  Prissy stands at attention.  And now my interest peaks.

I don’t know what to expect.  But, whatever it is both my girls are standing on guard.  I walk up.

And there it is…… a little black capped Chickadee sitting at the door’s edge.

Instinctively, I shoo the salivating dog and cat.  They seem to say, “But Mom….” while I give them “the look.”

I step out on the porch.  It sits still.  Dazed maybe?  So afraid to move?  How quickly I can relate.  Something deceiving like that glass door coming into my path.  I never know what hits me until it is too late.  Life can be so dangerously deceiving.  Whatever the cause, I gently pick it up and fold my hands over its tiny body.  No immediate noticeable injuries do I find.

I carry it inside praying it will be okay. My mind thinks of how many times God has carried me while others prayed over me.   I show the kids.  We awe over it.  My kids worry over it as much as me.  Should we keep it?  No, wild birds don’t live in captivity.  Should we set it free?  Yes, probably, but I am scared it may be too injured to fly.

I think about how many times I have kept the anger or turmoil.  I hold it captive perhaps selfishly or maybe because I just don’t know what to do with it.  Like the bird, I can not live in captivity….. selfishly or out of fear.  I know the right thing is to set myself free, yet find my heartstrings tighten over letting go. Funny how that works…….  But eventually, I hand all the heartache….. strings and all….. over to God and find freedom.  Just to wonder why on earth I held on to it for so long!!!

I look at the sweet little bird and see such fear in its eyes.  What kind of giant is this?  Why does it want to hold me?  What will it do to me??

So can relate to fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Well,  fear of the known to be a matter of fact!!  Scares me to no ends how afraid I can be…… Yet, relief comes when I accept freedom.

I take the poor thing out to the front yard.  We have a little fir tree growing by our drive.  I gently place it on the greenery.  It clasps down hard and looks at me to say, “Thanks.”  Relief sweeps over its tiny face.

Freedom….. sweet freedom……

 

Going Somewhere New

I enjoy late night talks with my daughter.  We curl up on the couch and just talk.  She’s approaching 16 and my heart breaks, yet rejoices at the same time.

Last night we stayed up well past midnight, chatting away about so much life stuff that it would make any sane mother go nuts.  Guess that’s why, she’s mine….. I’m already nuts and capable of handling these talks.  Not that anything bad has happened but just to see her so mature in nature and in her spiritual walk with God.

These talks don’t replace those special midnight feedings…..  I loved holding her and telling her how special she is…… ((sigh))  And of course the snuggling with our Yorkie, Harry.  She loved that dog…… and he, her.  He was the only one who could get her to take a nap when she was a toddler.  I told her to make Harry take his nap.  She would curl up on the bed, wrap her arms around him and tell him stories.  Soon they both were sound asleep.

Now we curl up and talk about a special boy, college, and God.  Such a long ways from the Piggies book.  But nevertheless, special.

God called Abram.  Told him to pack up and leave his home, family, and everything he knew in order to go to a new land, a strange land…..  and he did.  He was to embark on a new journey somewhere with a fresh and exciting new start.  (Gen. 12)

Wonder if Abram struggled with the idea of leaving everything behind and going somewhere foreign and new?  Did he question?

With each milestone, I have struggled with letting my baby girl grow up.  I want her to grow up just right and have the confidence that I never had.  But, yet, I find myself yearning for the days of long ago.  Yes, I know I’m nuts….. who wants diaper changes, 2 am feedings, daycare……. but I miss it.

Then just this morning I was studying and reflecting on last night’s chat.  When we are obedient to God…..

……bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  Ephesians 6:4 

“And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. ” Deut. 6:6

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness  and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. Titus 7-8

…..often means leaving one thing……

Infancy.

Toddlerhood.

PreTeen.

All those precious memories of my baby.

……in order to receive something better.

Late night chats.

Help with carpooling.

Then they [moms, women of the church] can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus 2:4-5

Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman!

Thank Lord, Jesus for such wonder!

 

They're Too Big!!

The other night, my nearly 16 yo daughter tried to help find the perfect outfit for me.  The next day, I had to dress up.  Since November, weight has been lost.   Much to my surprise, the dress clothes I have….. well…. let’s just say “tent” clothes.

I have been wearing just a handful of clothing.  A couple pair of jeans that actually fit and maybe 4 shirts….. it is debatable since some are T-shirts….. BIG comfy T’s.  So anyway, I figured that the once “tight” dress pants would be fitting perfectly and I would be alright.

Ahem…..

I believe the 16 yo word’s were, “Oh, No!  Nope!  Ain’t happenin’!  Too Big!”  She then gave me a set of rules.  Going baggie on the bottom, wear a tighter top.  Oh, man. Well. See.  Even my favorite tank hung way too blousey!  The harder I tried the more frustrated we both got.

She stomped her foot, placed her hand on her hip….. (Oh, that is me standing there) and she asked a very important question.  “You know you’ve lost weight. Why haven’t you gotten rid of these?”

Hmmmmm.  Interesting.  Yes, why haven’t I gotten rid of them?  Well, in times past, I always had bigger sizes tucked in the back for when I out grew the newer slimmer size.

Ouch.  My eyes have been opened to yet another sabotage technique.  And what is even funnier.  A friend has lost a lot of weight and she has given me her “big” clothes.  They are the size of my sabotage clothes.  And I would pass them along to another friend who is losing weight.  How silly is that???

I am hanging on to the big clothes for security.  A way to tell myself it is okay to gain all that back.  And you know what I just realized??  I have a bag to pass on sitting by my bed.  And yet, I hung all those too big dress clothes right back into my closet.

No more!  As soon as I finish this post, I am marching right into the closet and getting rid of that sabotage!!

Enjoy your weekend!!  I better get busy!!