Hope you get a better understanding of binge eating and the unconscious behavior that goes along with it as you read today’s fictional segment of the short story…….
I step into the kitchen. My heart screams, “Don’t!” My actions do just the opposite. I gather up the strength to pause at the refrigerator door. There’s yogurt…. left over pancakes….. I move the milk and juice cartons like the red sea. No nothing there I want……. I lean down to the next shelf. Let’s see there’s cheese…… lunchmeat…….. pepperoni…… Then I gander down to the next shelf. Ahhhh there we go Duncan Hines Vanilla Frosting……
I pull the prize out. Open the lid to check for mold. Yep…. I’m gonna have some frosting….. I walk over to the flatware drawer and get a spoon. Oh, you know what would be good…… peanut butter…….. I go to the pantry and grab the jar. I mix the peanut butter into the frosting can. Wait, I think there is some Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup….. I return to the fridge for the syrup. I pour the chocolate covering the sweet concoction. I stir and take a bite.
Happy with the taste, I go back into the living room and sit down. There’s a skinny young gal discussing the benefits of a vegan lifestyle. I change the channel and find a soap opera. I eat the first two bites. I savor over the chocolaty, peanutty, frosting by letting it melt on my tongue.
Like flipping the light switch, my mind shuts off. I mechanically spoon the frosting into my mouth. Without coming up for air, my mind numbing shoveling ends and I never take my eyes off the TV. I am unaware of what is being said. I just watch the motions of the bad acting. I lick the spoon, drop it into the empty can, and head back to the kitchen.
I instinctively reach into the fridge. I grab a yogurt and return to the couch. With robotic precision, I scoop the yogurt in my mouth until it is gone. With my spoon in one hand, I drop the empty container in the trash. Once again, I am at the door of the fridge. I pull out lunchmeat and cheese. Taking handfuls, I walk back into the living room and cram them in my mouth.
No taste. No satisfaction.
I lick the salty juices from my fingers and go back into the kitchen. One by one, I devour pepperoni, the pancakes, and a jar of pickles without emotion….without a single feeling. I immediately go to the pantry. I pull out the peanut butter jar. I grab a spoon and return to the couch. I bet there is chocolate chips……. I jump up and pilfer through the cabinet. Yes! Score! I pour the chips into the peanut butter jar and spoon with my robotic arm.
I feel the Holy Spirit nudge. I swallow hard and with rebellion. My unconsciousness is not ready to end. I consume. Once the peanut butter and chips are gone, I go back to the pantry. I find a bag of pretzels. I snack. There’s a package of cookies. I pig out. I move only from the couch to the kitchen. I never think. My mind is turned off. No emotions do I feel. I just eat like some cold robot.
After 45 minutes of continuous gorging, my consciousness returns. Thirst is the first real feeling I’ve experienced since I got home. I look around at the empty bags, wrappers, and jars littering the coffee table and kitchen counter. Disappointment sweeps over me. The weight of the binge feels like a ton. Oh, God….. What have I done?
I check the clock. I have just a few minutes to clean up the mess, dump it in the garbage can, and head off to the school. As I pick up the potato chip bag, I realize I just stuffed myself with the kids’ lunches for the next week. The lunchmeat and cheese come to mind. No sandwich fixings…… Then the peanut butter pops in my head. I can’t make them peanut butter sandwiches now….. One by one the various foods that were supposed to be for the family meals take their turn in showing me what I just did. Guilt crawls up from the pit of my stomach and strangles me. That’s a new low….. taking my kids’ lunches away from them.
I tie up the garbage bag, grab my purse, and dash out the door. I throw the evidence in the can. I jump in the car and put it in reverse. I think I will take the kids to Kum N Go for a milkshake today. I’m really thirsty……
I drive away like nothing happened.
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