Swallow with Rebellion

Hope you get a better understanding of binge eating and the unconscious behavior that goes along with it as you read today’s fictional segment of the short story…….


I step into the kitchen.  My heart screams, “Don’t!”  My actions do just the opposite.  I gather up the strength to pause at the refrigerator door.  There’s yogurt…. left over pancakes….. I move the milk and juice cartons like the red sea.  No nothing there I want……. I lean down to the next shelf.  Let’s see there’s cheese…… lunchmeat…….. pepperoni…… Then I gander down to the next shelf.  Ahhhh there we go Duncan Hines Vanilla Frosting……

I pull the prize out.  Open the lid to check for mold.  Yep…. I’m gonna have some frosting…..  I walk over to the flatware drawer and get a spoon.  Oh, you know what would be good…… peanut butter……..  I go to the pantry and grab the jar.  I mix the peanut butter into the frosting can.  Wait, I think there is some Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup….. I return to the fridge for the syrup.  I pour the chocolate covering the sweet concoction.  I stir and take a bite.

Happy with the taste, I go back into the living room and sit down.  There’s a skinny young gal discussing the benefits of a vegan lifestyle.  I change the channel and find a soap opera.  I eat the first two bites.  I savor over the chocolaty, peanutty, frosting by letting it melt on my tongue.

Like flipping the light switch, my mind shuts off.  I mechanically spoon the frosting into my mouth.  Without coming up for air, my mind numbing shoveling ends and I never take my eyes off the TV.  I am unaware of what is being said.  I just watch the motions of the bad acting.  I lick the spoon, drop it into the empty can, and head back to the kitchen.

I instinctively reach into the fridge.  I grab a yogurt and return to the couch.  With robotic precision, I scoop the yogurt in my mouth until it is gone.  With my spoon in one hand, I drop the empty container in the trash.  Once again, I am at the door of the fridge.  I pull out lunchmeat and cheese.  Taking handfuls, I walk back into the living room and cram them in my mouth.

No taste.  No satisfaction.

I lick the salty juices from my fingers and go back into the kitchen.  One by one, I devour pepperoni, the pancakes, and a jar of pickles without emotion….without a single feeling.  I immediately go to the pantry.  I pull out the peanut butter jar.  I grab a spoon and return to the couch.  I bet there is chocolate chips…….  I jump up and pilfer through the cabinet.  Yes!  Score!  I pour the chips into the peanut butter jar and spoon with my robotic arm.

I feel the Holy Spirit nudge.  I swallow hard and with rebellion.  My unconsciousness is not ready to end.  I consume.  Once the peanut butter and chips are gone, I go back to the pantry.  I find a bag of pretzels.  I snack.  There’s a package of cookies.  I pig out.  I move only from the couch to the kitchen.  I never think.  My mind is turned off.  No emotions do I feel.  I just eat like some cold robot.

After 45 minutes of continuous gorging, my consciousness returns.  Thirst is the first real feeling I’ve experienced since I got home.  I look around at the empty bags, wrappers, and jars littering the coffee table and kitchen counter.  Disappointment sweeps over me.  The weight of the binge feels like a ton.  Oh, God….. What have I done?  

I check the clock.  I have just a few minutes to clean up the mess, dump it in the garbage can, and head off to the school.  As I pick up the potato chip bag, I realize I just stuffed myself with the kids’ lunches for the next week.  The lunchmeat and cheese come to mind. No sandwich fixings…… Then the peanut butter pops in my head.  I can’t make them peanut butter sandwiches now…..   One by one the various foods that were supposed to be for the family meals take their turn in showing me what I just did.  Guilt crawls up from the pit of my stomach and strangles me.  That’s a new low….. taking my kids’ lunches away from them.

I tie up the garbage bag, grab my purse, and dash out the door.  I throw the evidence in the can.  I jump in the car and put it in reverse.  I think I will take the kids to Kum N Go for a milkshake today.  I’m really thirsty……

I drive away like nothing happened.


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