Okay, so this year started off great. I took a week and a half off from the bakery. I recharged, energized, and reevaluated. I wrote plans, prayers, and new goals. I wasn’t starting off with the typical weight loss, eat healthy, exercise more resolutions.
Mine was simple…… Trust.
Trust God with the bakery. Trust God with our money……. what little there is these days…… Trust God with my children…… Trust God with everything…..
Ahem.
Doesn’t Jesus say that we shouldn’t worry about things? Birds are given food. Flowers flourish in beauty without new clothes. Am I right to think worrying over things is just a matter of a lack of trust??
So, I built in a whole retrain the brain slogan….. “I will trust God.” I told myself every time one of those pesky thoughts creep in I would just announce to myself….. “I will trust God.”
Easy enough. Right?
Why worry about tomorrow? Tomorrow has its own worries and today has enough already….. Matthew 6:34
The first week back to the bakery went smooth. I followed my easy plan….. a plan that I could follow without a problem. (Trying to run the place by myself until the kids arrive after school)
Every time I thought something negative I would exclaim my slogan…. I will trust God!!
And sales are falling….. lower than ever.
With every passing day…… my slogan becomes quieter. And with yesterday’s total…… I could barely even utter a sound.
My serenity prayer was sounding like a cynical prayer. I was quoting the words but my heart and attitude was cynical. And my bedtime prayer had the attitude….. “Yeah, Right.”
So of course God woke me up bright and early this morning…….Why do you do this? Why can’t you just see that everything is going to work out? Why can’t you trust Me with this? Why can’t you just let Me?
As I laid there thinking and praying, it dawned on me…….
If a busy day happens everyday…. every moment….. I would have a chance to coach, train, and dedicate precious time to the students who are coming to the bakery to learn a trade. If yesterday was a crazy selling day, I would not have had the chance to listen to a customer on her bitterness towards church……. she left apologizing and with me saying, “I would love to talk some more about this. Come back another day and we will have a cup of coffee.” And her response was “I would love to do that. When is a good time for you?” If I had a line of customers out the door, I would have missed the elderly gentleman who was lost and needed a friendly face for directions to the event center. If the phone was ringing off the hook with orders, I would have missed the opportunity to welcome a new resident to Benton and wouldn’t have heard, “Thank you. You are such a nice lady. I enjoyed our little talk.”
I missed the whole point….. especially when I whined back at God, “Yes, those are wonderful and you are right, God. But those don’t pay the bills.”
His response….. “They will.”
Trusting God is the hardest thing to do.
Simply put.
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