Living transparent can be a great burden.
When I started this blog back in 2009, I made it my goal to live transparently. Simple concept…… I have nothing to hide. It is like living in a fish bowl. Everyone can see my life stories. They will be able to read my ups and downs. They will be able to connect with me on the most human level.
Now, living under a microscope paves the way for many people……. family, friends, and complete strangers ….. to criticize, to scrutinize and even to insult me. For years, I carried what they said to heart. Even though, in my mind, I had typed nothing wrong.
Recently…. well, let’s be honest….. one day last week, Mark and I drove into the city to work. Our conversation was simple…… weather, church, and yes, my blog. It had been freeing last week to blog again. It felt good. It felt right. It was liberating.
Then, that old familiar argument I used to hear in my head came in crystal clear…….
You shouldn’t talk about such things.
You make your family sound like you live in squander.
You are painting a picture of you being so righteous when in truth you aren’t.
Oh and my favorite…….. There you go again with another crazy idea that will cause your family financial woes.
The torture list goes on for decades. I used to lay awake at night arguing like a TV lawyer with each and every person who ever made a judgmental call or left a hurtful comment or straight up in my face wagged a finger of disgust. Hours of tossing and turning left me worn out and well……. at times, I was glad I had opened the bakery and left the blogging business.
And last week, I was up arguing again but this time was the what-ifers I was defending against. I mean it had been a week and my mind was soaring with thoughts about what if so and so starts insulting me.
I can state my opinion on MY blog. My opinion. My ideas to prove that living a thrifty lifestyle is a good one to have…… My crazy stunts…… My weird ways of explaining how things work in my emotional bad self.
If you don’t like it…… don’t read my blog. If someone you know makes a comment about it….. simply say, “I don’t read her stuff.”
I had it all worked out in my mind. Every last one of those what-if scenarios.
Exhausted. And already ready to give up the blog again…… I watched a little YouTube video of the gal who plays Amy on Big Bang Theory. Her words intrigued me. They got me so….. I don’t know…… back on track. I guess that would be the best way to describe it.
Her words that echoed…….
Their insults are compliments waiting for to be discovered by me.
Whoa. Hold the horses right here…… Am I understanding this correctly? Insults that pop up today will be compliments later on? Intriguing isn’t it. Why, that just puts a whole ‘nother spin on things!
I think it was just a little tidbit that God wanted me to hear. Maybe He is just preparing me for the firing squad. Or perhaps, I need to take those negative comments and make them into accomplishments worth complimenting upon.
Hmmm….. Love it when I find God in the little things in life!