Is that Me??

Slacker.  Me.  Yep.  I admit it.

Big time. Slacker.

I haven’t been posting like I should.  I hear all of you saying, “Duh!”  I haven’t posted about my walk across America.  I haven’t given any accountability updates.  Nope. Nada. Nothing.

Ahem…. I haven’t been posting much of anything as of late.  I believe I posted once last week.

Well, please allow me to explain and clear my name.  I am working part time as a cake decorator at a local sweet shop.  AND I am having the time of my life!!  I didn’t realize work could be this fun!!

I’m having so much fun at the sweet shop that my other duties ….. well let’s just say that they are on the back burner of my stove.

Oh the shame…..  My dear friend in Sunday School asked where I had been.  He missed my posts.  AND then, while volunteering at the public library yesterday, one of the librarians asked me why she hadn’t seen any updates on my walking.

Head hung down in SHAME!  My juggling act has dropped a few balls.  In fact yesterday, I passed this lady as I was going going going and she looked so familiar.  Ahem… it was me, I finally had met myself going!!

How in the world did I work full time?  And keep up with the laundry? And get the kids where they need to be?  And stay awake!  I was in bed by 8 last night.  I was pooped!!

So, since my last update, we have walked 950 miles and we are now in Pontiac, MI.  AND…. I am happy to announce I pulled out a pair of jeans from the back of the closet.  They are on and I can breathe.  Whoop Whoop.

I guess you are wondering where this month’s donation will be going……  The Ruth Peterson Community Center.  Yay!!!

Well, I guess I have caught myself up….. oh wait, there’s that gal again.  Man, she looks awesome!!!  Is that me again???

Oh geez, even I am rolling my eyes at myself.

Good night and God bless……

Justifiably So.

I must confess.  It has been said that confession is good for the soul……AND my mother always said that things done in secret are rarely good.  So…..I must confess.

Yesterday, I quit.

I justified myself right into a resignation.

1.  My Made to Crave small group is over.

2.  Lent is over.

3.  One package of Cherry Sours won’t hurt me.

4.  It has been 40 days since I have tasted toffee peanuts.

5.  I can have them now that Lent is over.

I stood right there in Dollar General with the item I needed in my hand and talked myself right into quitting.  I made the decision to purchase two items that I know I didn’t need.  And then, I ate them.

By the time I finished the last sweet morsel, guilt had already come knocking at my heart’s door.  As soon as I got home, I texted my accountability partner and confessed.  I knew if I had kept the secret, the guilt would eventually turn into a food craving.

I didn’t expect her reaction.  “I’ll be over in a few.  We are having a ‘Come to Jesus’ talk.”

My stomach flipped.  I hated the idea of being scolded.  Tears formed and I prayed.  I felt like I did when I broke Mom’s lamp.  By the time I heard her car pull in my drive, I had already pulled up my big girl britches and walked out to face a dear friend.

“Regina, we can not do this alone.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

Immediately, I began to justify.  No cell phone reception in the store.  Lent is over.

She wouldn’t hear of it.

“Why didn’t you call on Jesus?”

My heart sank.  I didn’t have an answer.  She was dead on right!

She made me repeat my plan.  And we added a few new branches to it.  She’s right, ya know.  I can’t do this alone.

We made the decision that I would begin again that very moment.  I made a mistake.  Made a poor decision.  Now, tie a rope around those big girl britches and move on.

So, today, I confess.  Yes it is good for the soul.  The birds are singing.  The sunshine is bright.  And at this moment…… a new day is dawning.

Praise God.

Tempted

Sluggish.  I woke this morning, sluggish.  My whole body felt heavy.  My mind foggy, groggy, and enable to think.

Sick?

No.

Blue?

Don’t think so.

My morning prayer became a beckon for energy.  I was there, trapped in an unexplained heaviness.  My affliction came to mind.

Flour Torillias

Salsa

Refried Beans

Corn Chips

Peanut Butter

Diet Soda

Vegan Junk Food!

That’s what I have been eating for the past few days.  No wonder I feel so yucky!  Isn’t it funny how the evil one sneaks into our lives tempting us within the perimeters of good.

I stayed within the rules of my Lent commitment but the temptation of junk food got the best of me.  Cheating without cheating.  I hang my head with shame.  So this morning, I had orange slices, raspberries, apple slices, and strawberries with a glass of water.

A difference made.

My heaviness lifted.

Praise God for showing my error.

 

A Bruising

Since January, I’ve struggled.  The battle within my mind keeps me on a roller coaster.  At the beginning of this “Give yourself away” journey, I felt plagued, tired, and virtually unhappy all the way around.  I didn’t know if this whole idea of accountiblity, craving more God, and constant giving would make any difference in my overall physical and emotional health.

Usually, though, by February, I abandon my whole “New Year” change tactics.  But, this year, things are different.  I am changing in ways I never could imagine.  It is like I have stepped out of myself to watch the growth.

One obvious change is my hair.  The spikes are gone.  No, I haven’t shaved my head…. although that is a thought.  Rather though I have let it grow.  I wish I could blame my hairdresser for having surgery and making me do this change….. Even though she is still healing, it was my choice.  She probably doesn’t feel that way especially since I sent her a text saying, “I can not be held responsible for the irrational behavior I may exhibit while holding scissors.”  Let’s face it, I’m not used to having to do anything with my hair.

The whole walking across America has proven that I am a very active woman that doesn’t sit still.  I am constantly on the move.  Time is being spent helping others.  What they don’t realize is that I am getting more from them than they are from me.

I am currently involved in three, yes three, Bible classes.  I’m diving into the Word!  I enjoy learning and growing closer to God while I do.  In fact today, I got the biggest bruising in the most blessed way.  First of all, I learned the definition for “Victory.”  It isn’t just doing one thing right.  Nope.  It is to live right.  Yeah, I can celebrate a small victory but the battle (or war for my mind) isn’t over.  I have to make continual and constant victories in order to overcome.

Before I could shout, “Amen!”  I realized something else…….

If I continue to be unhealthy, I will die prematurely.  That would mean I would be responsible for cutting God’s ministry through me short……

Oh, now that messed with me….. but that is what whispered throughout me.  No one fed me that line except God, Himself.  I sat there and cried.  I don’t want to be that irresponsible.  I don’t want to cut short the blessings God has in store for me just so I can have fatty, sugar coated, unhealthy foods.  Tears fell down my cheeks and I begged for forgiveness.  My heart broke….. shattered.  I felt literally sick to my stomach.

And then, victory…… I didn’t eat.  I praised God for His word whispers.  It wasn’t until later today before I sat down to blog that I realized food didn’t even cross my mind at that moment of impact.

Growth.  Glorious Growth.

Amen!!

Praise the Lord!!

 

Why Do This?

16 pounds of small Pink Lady apples….

I stand over a bowl peeling.  The sweet aroma tickled my nose.  Will heaven smell this sweet?

My hands ached and stained brown from the acidity of the juice.  The sticky remains of the juice adorned itself along my arms and elbows.  Sweet juicy apples… fragrant and succulent.

I was asked “Why do this if you can’t even type the next day?”  Carpal tunnel braces are the newest fashion craze.

They’re family. I love each one.  I got the chance to pray for each person.  I peeled and I prayed.

Glancing down at my brace and at the brown stain remains, I realize in a day I will heal and my hands will return to normal; but, my love will remain the same.  Strong. Heartfelt. 

My stomach grumbled.  I pushed thoughts of sugar laced candies and greasy burgers to the pit from which they arose.  My mind groggy from lack of refined sugar and my addiction screamed panic into my thoughts.

Why do this?

Day two and the human flesh of my being questioned me.  Day two and I want to throw my commitment through the door.

Why do this thing called Lent?

I’m human and often  I tell myself, a failure.  Thirty-eight days lay before me.  I feel so overwhelmed. I want to give in.  I push through the day.  Praying every moment the sneaky thought of cheating reared.

The morning came….. Day 3’s dawn.  Three candles lit.  A Bible passage studied. A devotional read.  And strength beyond me was felt.

Why Do This?

His body pierced.  Bled.  Pain shot through Him.  His humanness never weakened His spirit.

My body feels hunger pains that pierce through my inner self and bleeds for emotional wounds to heal.  My weakness is laced with my humanness….and it weakens my spirit.

Why do this?

The Man God suffered because of sin. The Son of God died to save me.

My sin makes me suffer.  Food will never save me.  Cheating and living in the moment will never save me.  The daily portion of God will save me.  His word spoken by my mouth feeds my soul.

Why do this?

The Man God’s body healed.  His blood stained body returned in such beauty.  He left this world whole.  But His love remains.

Why? It isn’t a matter of giving up, fasting from things I think I need. It is a matter of reaching for and grasping onto God’s love.

May God bless you…….