Don’t you have a love/hate relationship with WebMD? I do. I can scare myself to death when trying to self diagnose what ails me.
I have been trying to find out what has been making me ill for the past few months– well probably close to two years now. At first, I thought it was burnout. I thought it was depression. I thought it was a number of things. So, of course, what do I do but Google each ailment and came up empty.
But on Sunday morning, God opened His clinic. He had an x-ray and was prepared to share it. I haven’t been spiritually active in quite some time. I have had a bad case of the “Eh’s”. I thought it was a symptom of a overly busy schedule or even burnout. But this morning, God was wearing His heavenly white overcoat with a stethoscope and I was His patient sitting in the pew. His diagnosis was spot on–I was heart sick.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 NLT
The “Eh’s” are not the result of my self diagnosis at all. My dreams are not being fulfilled. I have always dreamed of being a writer. I know God has laid upon my heart to speak and to motivate. I have envisioned me being more than just a teacher. My dream of being a bakery owner passed away that one fateful day in May of 2015–the day I lost the feeling in my right hand.
But those pesky doubtful thought of my own and others have altered each pathway I took. I have a bad cause of discouragement coursing through my veins. But how am I going to fit it all into my already jammed packed schedule? See the self doubt is already taking over.
So God graciously handed me a few prescriptions:
- A daily dose of COURAGE to keep trying and to stay on track.
God pointed out that when I try I will be risking failing. I agreed. Then He looked at my chart. He explained that I am good at trying but once a tiny hint of failure or disappointment of my own or even at the mention of a discouraging comment from someone else, I stop trying. I quit. With each time I quit, I add to the regretful symptom which makes the heart grow sicker.
2. It takes FAITH to keep going.
My heart is depleted of faith. This goes back to the quitting. Each time I quit I take a little bit of faith out of my dream and heart. Without faith, I doubt, I regret, and I give up. God explained that his direct line is always open and He will always be there to refill the faith prescription.
To prevent the heart sickness, I need to look for the Jesus moments in my every day life. Each time I encounter Him I am actively making my heart stronger. Opening the Bible and actually reading His Word, praying, and listening pumps the good stuff into my heart and it pushes all the sickness out.
So I left the “Clinic” feeling stronger and healthier holding onto the prescriptions that were written just for me. Hopefully, if I keep taking these dosages, God won’t have to use the defibrillator on me!!