Last night in Bible study, we began Lysa Terkeurst’s Made to Crave. Already a few chapters in the book, I had a pretty good idea of the subject matter. But Lysa’s speech.. wow! I got home and had to veg. I couldn’t wait to slip out of bed in the quiet of the night and ponder.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
Do you know what was tripping me up??? “I know that full well.” Yep. Ding. Ding. Ding. ((sigh)) I have been putting “should,” “think,” and “oughta” (that’s “ought to” for those of you not living in Arkansas) between the “I” and “know.” I haven’t been standing firm in my belief that God made me wonderful. It says it right there that His works are wonderful. God made me and I’m a piece of work His work.
So why is it that I haven’t stood firmly in my belief? Is it because of our world today? No… I don’t think so. Was it something that happened in my childhood? No… had a wonderful childhood. Is it that I don’t feel significant enough to be called a wonderful work by the hand of God? B. I. N. G. O! I don’t feel significant.
I didn’t feel significant because well.. I was overweight as a child. There wasn’t stores that carried the “preppy” clothes in my size. I didn’t fit in the clothes; therefore, I didn’t fit in with the kids at school. I recall being told by a “so called friend” in the 7th grade… “I can’t be your friend because you don’t wear Izods.” Crushed me. Killed me inside. We had been friends since like 1st grade. All because of an alligator, I couldn’t be her friend.
Sadly though diets didn’t cure the craving for significance. I dieted and exercised but I wasn’t ever the perfect Izod fit. I was tall and well…curvy. If I did manage to squeeze in the shirt, boys made “Pike’s Peak” comments. If I wore Calvin Klein jeans, they were high waters and I still didn’t make the grade. Between the comments of floods coming and Pike’s Peak, I felt horrible and another ugly side of insignificance formed. I was left at the mercy of teasing no matter what. So there was no way to fit in…((sigh)) Guess that’s why I taught middle school. I was the spokesperson for the underdogs!
My body’s shape has always been a sore subject for me. I have no waist, no shoulders, bad eyes (blind as a bat), big lips and flat straight hair. I have learned to work with what I have over the years. But, after last night’s class, I left feeling like that 7th grader again with no way out.
This morning, I was studying the workbook. There was some really powerful reflection questions. I felt so yucky. I closed the book knowing it was easier to stop than to press forward. I went straight to my room, crawled into bed, and prayed my heart out. I cried out. The 7th grader cried right along with me.
Then God’s word filled my soul… “You are wonderfully made.” I couldn’t help but smile through the tears. God loves me… there’s no doubt. It is time for me to stand firm and shout, “I’m wonderful! God told me so!”
Okay, today’s the last day! You better get your name in the drawing for the handbag! I will be announcing the lucky winner tomorrow!! Just leave a comment and your name goes into the drawing bag!!