My gut asks, “What tragedies will 2019 bring?” My mind reminds me, “Work, college classes and two graduations, a 50th birthday, an empty nest, son’s dental / ENT work and purchasing another wing at the children’s hospital.”
Then my heart says,
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
I have sat down every day since my Christmas break began to blog. I have written every day but just can’t seem to publish them. I guess those words are just too personal to share. However, they have been therapeutic. I have faced some ugly truths over the past few days. Some harsher than others but it was good to break through all that negativity and yuck.
As I sat in church Sunday, I realized that 2018’s word for me was Bitter. I don’t know how many times I asked my co-teachers after I have made a statement or two (ummmm probably more like a rant) “Bitter, much?”
Then I heard this—
Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting someone to die.
Makes you stop and think doesn’t it?
I spent the year building a bitter brick wall around me unaware of the damage I had really caused. I heard this quote the other day:
The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy. Jim Rohn
Now if that didn’t shake me to the bones. I have imprisoned my spirit. I am held captive to my own device. With each brick I laid, I stopped praying, reading God’s word, attending church, and serving as a Christian speaker. I have isolated myself in my own misery even though I can justify each bitter brick.
So I only have one goal for 2019:
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8
It is going to require a lot of hard work and a sledge hammer to break through this bitter brick wall. Guess I better roll up my sleeves.