Why?

I was asked today why I blog…….

I had to sit there a minute and reflect. Why do I blog? I hear a whole range of answers in the voices of my mind. Flash backs of times friends or family members call and their words jumble themselves into critical and concerned statements.

To gain attention. To seek love. To embarrass. To sound good. To impress. And my personal favorite….. Why on earth would you admit/say that?!?!

My answer was simply to be transparent. If someone can see themselves in something I write and God is prevailed then what does it matter what I say or admit?? I want God to gain the glory not me. I allow myself to be transparent in order for God to be seen.

Quite frankly, putting on a mask pretending all is well with my life is just plain exhausting and well blogging has helped to to realize that we are all broken in this broken world.

I want people to realize that God and His love is all around us and that we must seek—- intentionally seek Him. That is where the healing and real living begins.

It used to bother me when someone I love and respect became critical of a blog post. I have even allowed those remarks to reform my style and topics. Was I catering to their fears of people knowing the truth or was it used by God to refocus on being transparent in other areas? That is a question I must reflect upon.

Look, all I know is one fateful day God spoke and I heard, “speak and motivate.” And it is my prayer that I am doing so…..

Painful Truth

God is love.  God is compassionate.  God is our protector.

Yes, but what about when I’m suffering something miserably painful? It is true. I sometimes forget those three little truths when I am in pain.

In my child-like mind, because of those three truths I should be feeling nothing but pure joy and go through life without any trouble.  It should be all happy-happy-joy-joy.

When I am in the middle of something painful and I forget those truths, I tend to feel alone, disconnected and miserable.  Well…… let’s just say I feel like God has let me down because the happy-happy-joy-joy feeling vanished.

Ever been there?  Or am I alone in this thinking???

Is it possible that God is protecting me while I am hurting?  Is He expressing His compassion and love for me because of the pain?

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Her insurance company covered a CAT scan from the neck down.  Her doctors did not perform any testing on the cancer cells to see if it was a primary or secondary type of cancer.  She began chemo.  All looked bright.  Then, she suddenly died.  The doctors explained that from the CT scan they performed in the emergency room revealed that there was a tumor in her brain and the chemo was doing its job and destroyed the cells…… ultimately killing her.

Do you realize the anger and pain I felt?  The insurance company did not do its job effectively.  The doctors didn’t do their job.  She should not have died!!

Applying those 3 little truths.  God did shower his love and compassion.  For my mother, she did not suffer.  Just went to sleep and went to heaven.  She never had to see herself bald (which scared her more than the cancer itself).  For myself, I, along with my family did not have to watch her suffer brain cancer.  We were spared watching her being taken away little by little.  And protection?  God protected us….. plain and simple.  He allowed the insurance company and her doctors not to do all that they could have done.  Protected us from knowing.  Protected us from suffering.  Protected us and showered up with love and compassion……

We are not promised a bed of roses.  We are promised His unfailing love, compassion and protection.  It is just a matter of wanting to see it in the middle of the pain.

May God bless  you today……

A Day at the Office

So, recently, my dear friend has convinced me to have a physical.  Oh, if she only knew how much I hate being seen by a doctor.  Plus the drive to the city makes me crazy especially with all the recent construction.  With all my excuses she suggested I check out her doctor.

So, here I was in the waiting room “ughing” to myself because of the stack of forms to be filled out.  I sat quietly scribbling away and every once in a while I scanned the room.

Directly across from me sat a military man dressed in his fatigues.  A chair over from him was a woman in her late 50’s and a very elderly (at least 100 yo) woman with two gentlemen to her right that looked like brothers in their 60’s.  Just a typical office visit for us all.  Next to me was a woman who kept telling me she didn’t have a working right brain.  Apparently, it was damaged in 1997 when a tornado damaged her home.  O.K.

So I sat scribbling when I heard from the 50 yo…..

Ahem, I just want to say thank you for your service.

The military man blushed and returned the thanks.  He talked about being in Afghanistan and Iraq.  He had been injured.

My husband and his brother served in Vietnam.

The military man stood and walked over to the two gentlemen and knelt.

Thank you both for paving the way for men like myself to serve.  I know America didn’t welcome you both back properly.  Please accept my humble gratitude.

I was blown away.  Both men placed a hand on the kneeling soldier’s shoulder.  It was beautiful.  Absolutely beautiful.  I teared up and even the left brained lady sat quietly as this unfolded before our eyes.  The only one not affected was the elderly woman.  She just sat and looked like she was in another world.

Once the military man got back to his seat, I scribbled away and sniffled back the tears.  Beautiful.

The nurse came to the door and called a name.  The 50 yo and the elderly woman followed the nurse.  The elderly woman stopped in front of the soldier. She just looked at  him.

He smiled uncomfortably.

May I hug your neck? she asked so feeble and faint.

Blushing, the soldier nodded.  She hugged him then said…..

My first husband died in World War II.  My sons survived Vietnam.  God blessed me with their return.  May He keep you safe.

She walked towards the nurse.  The soldier just bowed his head.  Touched.

My eyes shifted to the two sons sitting uncomfortably and trying hard to not cry.  Their eyes told the story though.  Salty tears were gathering.

One brother spoke up…..

Ahem…. thank you again.  Our mother suffers from Alzheimer’s and you brought her back for a moment. 

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

Praise God for that blessing!!!

Good Intentions

Someone must have turned the AC off and the furnace on, yesterday.  From where I was sitting in church, it was mighty warm.

Ever done something for the wrong reasons?  Ahem…… God had a few things to reveal yesterday.  Really it was for the entire weekend.  It was just yesterday God turned up the heat.  He had the preacher say something that felt…..mmmmm….. a weeeee bit uncomfortable……..  You shouldn’t live a life with good intentions but live intentional for the greater good.

You shouldn’t live a life with good intentions but live intentional for the greater good.

Geepers!!  Then I began to pray right there in the hot seat.  Had I?

Worse…… my intentions or my motivation has been for the wrong reasons.

As I peel back and look under all the yuck I find an underlying reason……. for women’s ministry…… for writing…… for baking…… for speaking……..

to prove I am not a failure to past employers, family members, and other on-lookers who have shaken their heads and fingers at me.

Uhhhhh……my intentions for doing what I have done were to do good but my motivation was off…. way off.

I’ve allowed past failures, judgmental comments from others, guilt for not contributing financially and a whole long list of things to keep me from living intentional.

Today, Thank God, I was granted another day.  A day to make some changes.  A new direction towards intentional living.

God Bless……

 

The Great Pumpkin

We all have heard of the Great Pumpkin.  I can see Linus, now, sitting in the pumpkin patch holding his sign that reads, “Welcome Great Pumpkin.”

I love this time of the year.  Cooler temps, bright orange, yellow and red leaves adorning the trees, and of course, great pumpkins.

Did you know that a real pumpkin can have a shelf life up to 4 months?  Did you know it is full of vitamins and minerals that we should take advantage of…… like B6?  How about this…… did you know that you can make soup from a pumpkin?  I didn’t.  I am going to try this!

Outside of pies and bread, pumpkins brings such joy.  We decorate and decoupage pumpkins.  We cut and carve.  We add lights and candles.  Pure joy.  When I see pumpkins  I revisit my childhood.  Mom selecting the best pumpkins and sitting them out on our front porch.  Of course, the fond memory quickly becomes a chuckle of revisiting Daddy chasing the “neighborhood punk” down the street screaming, “That was my pumpkin pie you stole!”  Yep, the pumpkins stolen right from our porch on Halloween night.  Daddy mourned the smashed remains on the street the next morning.  Mom always went out and purchased another pumpkin just for Daddy’s pie.

Sometimes, I look at the pumpkins with a bit of sadness.  My kids are practically grown and somehow the trip to the pumpkin patch seems to not be quite the seasonal adventure.  To remember, my daughter running between pumpkins and my son riding in a wagon full of orange goodness brings a quiet sigh from this mother.  All I can hope for now is that when the time comes for grandkids, my children will make those memories to pine after once their wee ones grow up.

All those memories and the sweet goodness of a pumpkin  makes me want to dust off the recipe box and make a loaf or two of pumpkin bread.

God Bless[amd-zlrecipe-recipe:16]