Monthly Archives: June 2011

Book Club Week 2

Okay, now we are half way through the book, Walking on Broken Glass by Christa Allan.  It is really good, isn’t it??  I have felt so many emotions through these next 11 chapters.  My heart broke at the AA meeting.  I felt anger beyond belief at a fictional husband.  Makes me glad Mark isn’t anything like the jerk.  The roommate made me laugh…. mainly because she reminded me of a former student.  And….. I craved ice cream!!

Please join me over at the Book Club forum.  I would love to read your comments!!

Enjoy your Thursday!!  God Bless…..

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Flipped

I remember my days as a teacher.  Right about now with July nearing, I would have grown antsy.  I probably would have been spending my nights worrying over the next year’s syllabus.  I would have been visiting my classroom, clearing out clutter, and planning.

Ugh…. my stomach is queasy just thinking about it.

Once the school supplies hit the shelves at the local schools, I would be getting excited.  There is something about the school supply aisle.  It is intoxicating for teachers.  I admit I still linger there even now.  I would have been getting new pens, new notebooks, new highlighters, and yes even new magnets.  Teachers are in love with magnetized white boards.  We love to decorate with magnets!!

Silly, I know…..

Then the first day of school arrives……my last year as a burned out Middle School teacher…… UGH!!  That first day was a killer!!  I walked out of the classroom at 3:30 on the dot and screamed, “Is it June yet??”  My save-the-world attitude during my first years of teaching crumbled.  If you can imagine me right now with my fisted hands in the air, you would see the frustration I still feel today.

Oh and let’s not get me started on the whole special education paperwork, IEP’s, and standardized testing.  Those three are poison in my eyes.

God help me (and you) I have unleashed the soapbox beast!

All that anger.  All that frustration.  All that yuck! Even after 5 years, I still can feel it.  I’m scarred!

I left the teaching profession scarred for life.  And the funny thing….. it wasn’t the students.

I had to flip my life around.  And I did.

I didn’t realize how the profession had yucked up my home life, my character, and my passion.  It has taken 5 years to unravel all that yuck.  I still shudder at the thought of teaching again.  My stomach turns sour the minute I’m asked to long term substitute teach.  (I politely say no, and run like crazy out the door!)

But here’s the whole deal….. I look back now and realize something powerful.  I walked alone.  Here’s where all my teacher friends are snapping their fingers and exclaiming, “Oh no, you didn’t just say that, girlfriend!”  I was in a sinking ship along with several wonderful ladies.  I didn’t trust God enough to rely on Him.

I recently have found myself sinking in a sea of trying to get everything done.  Planning a women’s retreat, a women’s ministry, a book club online and with a group of ladies, an outreach program and writing a proposal has my head spinning.  Yesterday, I sat down and wrote out a two page to do list.  My eyes blurred and my stomach knotted.  I wanted to run.  I threw my hands up and….. here’s the difference….. I prayed.  I told God I was just one person running on this hamster’s wheel.  I needed His divine power and help to get through this list.

Back in the day, I would have swallowed and plowed myself into it.  I would have grown angrier by the minute.  Last night, I steadily marked off one item at a time.  Oh, it is still a mile long and since this morning, I’ve added a few more things but the knot in the stomach and the anxiety isn’t with me.  God is.

Hope you have a stressless day!  God bless…..

 

Moving Day

Two nights ago.   Sound asleep.  I was awakened to a gentle whisper.  That unmistakable whisper.

Move.

Did I hear that right?

Move.

I looked over at Mark.  Nope.  I was not crowding him. I snuggled down once again. Before long, I realized who whispered that word.

My mind began to spin.  What does that mean Lord?  I’ve been down this road before, Lord.  I’ve heard that word from you before.  What are you telling me to do?

The English teacher took over.

Are we supposed to move?  To another church? To another town?  To another state? Please God not another country.  Am  I supposed to move forward in ministry?  In my writing?  In my speaking? Am I supposed to move more?  Exercise?  I know I haven’t in a long while.  Am I supposed to move someone else?  Help someone find their ministry?  Help someone to find you?  Wait, I am naturally supposed to do that……Ugh!!  What kind of move am I to make?????

Then all I heard was a tune….. Move, Move Call me crazy but it sounded like the song “Move” by Mercy Me.

I got up.  Moving around the house.  I sat down to surf the internet.  The last time I had this strong of a sense I found the She Speaks Conference on-line.  So perhaps I needed to look.  The longer I surfed the louder the tune became in my head.

Am I going crazy???

I blogged.  That’s why yesterday’s post was so early!!  Nothing shook that tune.  I was growing tired.  It was 4:30 in the morning.  I wanted to go back to sleep.  I didn’t know what to do.

Move, Move……Move, Move……. Move, Move……

God where ever, how ever, when ever….. I will move.

Silence.

Sleep.

For the past 24 hours, I have wrestled in the back of my head.  I told Mark.  He is as puzzled.  I had hoped God had spoken to him as well.  ((Sigh))  I have grown so impatient to know what He means for this move.  Then I began to worry that it wasn’t from God but from me.  All I knew to do was to say to God in prayer…..where ever, how ever, when ever….. I will move.

Then this morning, I opened my new PS31 Woman Magazine to an article about a lady who had been told she would mother prophets.  She went through life looking for these prophets in adoption agencies.  It took 20 years from the revelation to reality.

In My time…… whispered through out me.  Whatever this move is…. God will reveal it in His own time.  I need to trust in my answer to God.  I have to stop wanting instant gratification.  I must be obedient and still.  I don’t want to turn too early on God’s path.  I just might miss the blessing.

My friends out there in blog world…. pray for my discernment.

Enjoy your Tuesday…… God bless…….

 

 

 

 

 


Texas Sized Butterflies

I’m on the fence post.

Do I back out again?  Do I go forward?

Last year, I chickened out from meeting with the publishing agent.  I felt so ill equipped.   ((Sigh))  And guess what??  It is time for me to make the decision as to whether or not I am ready to meet the agent.  I must register by Friday.  Ahem….. butterflies the size of Texas are already settling in my stomach.  I am feeling so unprepared and scared.

Satan keeps whispering, “You’re not a writer worth publishing.”

“You will never be published.”

“Your are just one in a million who are failing as a writer.”

“You can’t do this.”

This has penned me inward.  I am starting to busy myself with stuff so I have the excuse of “I’m not ready.”  If I fill up my schedule, I won’t have the proposal done and then I can say…..maybe next  year.

Sabotage.

I am trying so hard to just focus on God’s big picture.  There’s got to be a lesson in here somewhere.  He’s going to teach me something from the meeting.  Maybe He will open a door.  Maybe a blessing will rain down.  How will I know if I sabotage?

I need God’s exterminating ability to squash those butterflies.  (I just laughed thinking…. hmmmm never thought God would hear me call Him the Almighty Exterminator!)

I hope you enjoy your Monday.  It is so hard to believe July is this week!  Please keep me in your prayers.

God bless…….

 

Book Club Starts Today!!

I am so excited!  I can’t wait to discuss the book Walking on Broken Glass by Christa Allan.  I promise I will make the discussions short and simple.  I am trying to be careful and not give the story away within my discussion questions.  Anyone can probably give an opinion or say something profound even if they haven’t read the book.

I will try to keep the discussion questions to the minimum from my end.  I want to encourage you to leave discussion questions and insightful commentaries about the book as well.

So what are you waiting for???  Hop on over to the Book Club and leave something we can ponder over!!

Enjoy your day!!  God bless……