That Old Sweater

That old sweater. Red in color. Worn to perfect softness. Unraveling sleeves. Stretched out of shape and superb for wrapping yourself in order to keep out the chill.

Sigh.

I miss that old sweater.

Every time, I slipped it on….. it felt like coming home. Safe. Secure. Something familiar.

It has been months since I have felt that “slip-on-my-favorite-worn-out-sweater” feeling…….

Don’t get me wrong….. I love the bakery. It is definitely hard work but I love it.

However…..

Today, I just wanted to feel like ME. Not the business owner. Not the baker. Not the Boss. Just me. You know the quirky, book worm, housekeeping (ahem….. not a perfect one), just hung out the laundry, talk to my chicken, weird self.

I don’t know what got into me this morning. I just decided to be me.

Yeah, I cleaned house. Did the laundry. Tried to talk to the chicken but she was more interested in running away from me than talking. But it wasn’t until I sat down at the computer that I felt the soft cotton sweater feeling.

I’ve missed this. I’ve missed hearing the clicking of the keys as I furiously type. I miss pulling out a book, researching, learning, and seeking counsel. I miss listening to God’s small quiet voice.

Yes, I haven’t been listening as much as I should have…… ahem, honestly, I haven’t listened in a very very long time.

But, last night, I dusted off the Bible and found a little something on rest. You know that break God kinda insists on us having….. Breaking away from the grind and focusing on Him. Just a moment when we can sit and be ourselves in the presence of God.

It was like the veil before my eyes were lifted. I haven’t rested. I’ve vegged in front of the TV. I’ve crawled into bed exhausted. But to truly rest. I haven’t. And I kinda miss it.

Like my sweater.

God’s rest isn’t to vegetate. It isn’t to lay there numb with exhaustion. No. It is a rest that only He can provide. Maybe it is to crank up the old Toby Mac CD’s and dance like crazy while sweeping. Maybe it is to take moment and reflect on the blessings He has given me like a home, a family, and yes even the mountain high pile of dirty laundry. Maybe His rest can be sitting there with a friend and talking about yesterday’s sermon. Or could it be just to sit in the quiet of our home and pray.

That was the me before the bakery. That was the old sweater life.

I guess now my job is to figure out how to incorporate the two lives. After last week’s hospital visit thanks to an allergic reaction, things kinda came into perspective. I’ve been neglecting everything and everyone in order to make this bakery thing work. Perhaps it is time to wrap this new adventure in my old sweater life….. at least it will be warm and secure.